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Where the magic happens, combining 5 short stories and the 6th Element into a coherent feature film Script!
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PostTue Dec 06, 2011 10:45 pm

Title: Wunderkind
Author: Jacob Holmes
A wealthy couple augment their son's "performance" with skill inhalers to save face; but are oblivious to the effect this takes on the boy.
Author's statement:
Sidenote: At the end of the script: The boy, Daniel, becomes hypersensitised by the repetitive use of the drugs and so his own talent, spatial awareness and understanding of form/design, becomes exaggerated. I wanted this to raise a new idea for the future of Batesian; that these drugs might create something they were never made to.
I realise, on rereading, that my final skills transfers are reliant on knowledge (knowledge of pieces of music) so this would have to be readdressed.

Status: 2nd Round




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Re: Wunderkind

PostWed Dec 07, 2011 3:20 am

... Thanks Juki!
Last edited by JHB on Fri Dec 09, 2011 1:40 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Wunderkind

PostWed Dec 07, 2011 2:18 pm

hey... sorry, our mistake! I have uploaded the 4th draft now...



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Re: Wunderkind

PostTue Dec 13, 2011 11:08 pm

I really like this story, the plot is told in a suspenseful and cineastic way. But to give also some constructive criticism: Maybe you could cut short some of the scenes. The topic of child abuse for skill consumption is mentioned many times, it kind of gives me too many hints of where the story is going. I like Daniel as character, he reads as a distinguished and authentic figure. I am wondering if his final action against his mother/parents could be stronger, more radical. After all his mother has been pushing him so much, I could imagine him want to strike back more firmly. I understand right, that Anja informed the Child Protection Authorities? Also this development as sub-story is a bit too linear for me, i.e. too many hints in the story already point that direction before.
But all in all, I visualize this one strongly :)



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Re: Wunderkind

PostFri Dec 16, 2011 1:25 pm

The script does a good job depicting a world and the characters that inhabit it. The descriptions of the spaces tell us a lot about the background of the people and we quickly understand the setting of the story. It is very cinematic.

I like the introduction of the characters, but to me, they are somewhat flat. It would be good to develop the character of the mother a little bit more - Doesn’t she have any remorse about what she is doing? Why is it so important for her to be part of this high-class society? Regarding Daniel’s character, it would be good to see him do something that makes us like him right away. We want the audience to connect with him not only because he is a victim, but also because he is kind, or funny, or brave, or something. He grows on us during the film and we feel especially close to him at the fundraising concert.

In my opinion, the premise that a family depends on their teenage son to maintain a certain social status is hard to believe. And with the father working for the government, they are risking too much for it to be believable. I guess my point is that it is somewhat unbalanced to make the risk worthy. I do like the ending, particularly Daniel’s reaction and the mother’s own greed turning against her.

Another thing that can be worked on is the repetition of information, like when Anja tells Daniel two stories to find out if he is losing his capacity to empathize.

I think that the story is strong and the ending is inevitable and powerful, but the story could benefit from developing the characters and their relationships a bit more.

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